First of all apologies for not updating my blog sooner – My February started with a bang forcing my eye off the vintage ball temporarily!
As some of you know, I’m saying ‘I do’ in June and the question of name change has been bouncing around my head. Although some friends would brand me like a cow with ‘potty,’ they would never have branded me with the ‘bride’ gene. Men have always been a bit of a nightmare for me, and being quite faddy myself, grand designs of a ‘deserved’ marriage were never imagined. In my head, not everyone married and this was a more probable option to an ill experienced mind. Long story short – Jimmy pops up and I won’t bore you with the details, only that he proposed after 9 months together and has made me very happy.
So it comes as no surprise how unprepared I was when the reality of changing my name flashed before me. When I was younger I would tell my Dad I would never change my surname, that I was born a Jones and would die one – I would never give my name away to a man. These dramatic statements were always met with a proud smile; although I’m sure we both thought I’d never recall our conversations and that tradition would have its way.
I’ve been known to make rash decisions but as this one’s for life I thought I’d see what the internet had to say. Following some reading, there’s no definitive answer why women have always changed their family name. Over 200 years ago, women had to trade their surnames upon marrying for their own financial security, their unborn children’s and in some cases their parents in the absence of a male heir. We were completely reliant on a man of any wealth, property, or land to take us on, and ensure our survival. Thank goodness many have fought for women’s rights on our behalf and we live in a time where we’re viewed as equals – we work and play as good a man! It’s a tragedy that in some cultures today, women are still viewed as a man’s possession and forgo all the luxuries we receive as women in the Western world.
Court’s today rule that couples who have been living together for a certain amount of time, are viewed as ‘married’ in the eyes of the law and in the case of separation, assets are divided. Surname change was once a necessity to ensure our survival, but now only operates through mere tradition. Last week, our wedding caterer, Angie @ The Marvellous Tea Dance Company told me how her lovely husband took on her surname so her family name’s could continue. This made my heart warm – Love can transform tradition and put its own spin on it.
This does sound a one-sided argument against name change, but I’ve got to remember why I said yes to Jimmy. He’s always pictured a Mrs Adams by his side and I would be able to give him this. If we have children they’ll share our name which I’d hope they’d be proud of one day. Putting all logic and reasoning aside, it would be really nice to be Mr and Mrs Adams but a girl’s promise to her father however ridiculous at the time still niggles away. Stay tuned…….